[ A tear leaks down his face into Sylvain’s hair. He turns, breathing the other in deeply, holding him tight as he lets the emotion come. Thoughts he’s long had but never looked too squarely at for the enormity of them. ]
I thought it must have been a fluke, us getting together. Some miraculous ordering of events that couldn’t be replicated. Because — I spent so many years sure I was not meant for love. Not even for sustained lust really. That something beyond my understanding was fundamentally wrong, and anyone giving me affection was either mistaken or doing it out of charity. And that was alright. I had my duty and I cared about helping. I had beds to warm. I was … I was likely to die besides, and if I didn’t, then I would worry about domestic issues when I had a domicile to worry about.
But … this. This is what I’d always wanted, even if I didn’t know the details. That it’s replicable, that it’s always you… [ He squeezes Sylvain tightly, another tear joining the first, his voice strained. He’s not sure where he’s going. He just… ] I love you feels insufficient, but gods Sylvain, I love you. Somehow more every passing month.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2024-12-11 06:29 pm (UTC)I thought it must have been a fluke, us getting together. Some miraculous ordering of events that couldn’t be replicated. Because — I spent so many years sure I was not meant for love. Not even for sustained lust really. That something beyond my understanding was fundamentally wrong, and anyone giving me affection was either mistaken or doing it out of charity. And that was alright. I had my duty and I cared about helping. I had beds to warm. I was … I was likely to die besides, and if I didn’t, then I would worry about domestic issues when I had a domicile to worry about.
But … this. This is what I’d always wanted, even if I didn’t know the details. That it’s replicable, that it’s always you… [ He squeezes Sylvain tightly, another tear joining the first, his voice strained. He’s not sure where he’s going. He just… ] I love you feels insufficient, but gods Sylvain, I love you. Somehow more every passing month.