philancer | Inbox: Abraxas

[ No matter how much her brain is still trying to deny it, the realization that Sylvain had been Lief feels like cold water being spilled down her back. It all makes sense now that she sees the mask sitting here in his room. Despite the added scent of the roses and fey wine that evening, it's difficult for Hilda to forget a scent. The smell of the forests combined with the undertone of muskiness that she attributes to Sylvain are unmistakable now in hindsight and the flush of heat to her cheeks begins to make its way down her neck.

Her gaze is ripped from the fox mask in her hands towards the voice that sounds from the doorway. Hilda's pink eyes are blown wide at the sight of Sylvain. Her grip on the mask is tight and she doesn't let it go even though it suddenly feels warm in her hands, like it's the source of why she's suddenly flushed.

They hadn't been alone for very long together since her hurried apology at the beach. The longest time they had spent together had been...well, the feywild. A string of curse words resound in her head and there's another pregnant pause because she has no idea what to say. Had he known it was her? If he did, why didn't he say anything at the time? If he didn't know it was her, should she tell him that she's suddenly put all the pieces together?

A maelstrom of feelings whirl inside her but she finally she manages to force his name past her lips. ]

Sylvain.

[ His gaze drops to how she clutches the fox mask to her, he knuckles white with tension, and it has his jaw tensing slightly. Bracing himself, because he’s not expecting this to go well.

He should have hidden the damn thing. But he hadn’t expected to find her in his bedroom, either. Not when she’d barely been back to the loft in weeks.

But for now, he just plays it casual, coming into the room and nudging the door shut behind him to give them privacy. Not that he expected Claude home anytime soon, but just in case…

He folds his arms over his chest as he arches an eyebrow at her curiously. ]

Did you need something?

[ Strolling boldly into the boy's rooms is a habit of hers still leftover from their Academy days. Or rather, strolling into Claude's is an old habit; the only reason she quietly pushed the boundaries with Sylvain had been upon arrival in Abraxas and had only been because he shared a room with Claude. And yet, despite knowing this, the ground beneath her feet feels uneven and she has no idea where to go from here.

As the door is nudged closed, her already stick straight posture, stiffens a fraction more. Her feelings are a tangled knot covered in a layer of shock that's quickly thawing. Once it does, even she isn't sure what emotion will emerge. What she does know for certain is that she's certainly not ready for this. ]

I was looking for a book of mine.

[ There's only a fraction of a second before she lets out a light airy laugh that he'd easily be able to pick out as a telltale sign that she's putting it on. Slowly she begins to sidestep, transferring the mask behind her back as if forgetting that it's in her hands in the first place. She gives him a wide berth as she attempts to make a move for the door. ]

I searched through all of the bookcases and couldn't find it. But if I had known you were here, I would have come and asked.

Edited 2023-07-14 15:14 (UTC)

[ Except he’s still barring her way to the door. In fact, he purposefully slouches back against it, leaning against it now with his arms still crossed over his broad chest.

There’s amusement lingering in his dark gaze as he watches her put on a familiar act, but he knows her far too well to fall for that. Even if he indulges her quite often by letting her think otherwise. ]

My bedroom isn’t the one that typically eats books in this house, you realize.

[ Hilda's cheeks puff up momentarily at the sight of her exit with an added obstacle now leaning against it. She has half a mind to shove him aside and make a run for it before realizing that's probably a sure fire way for her to be dragged onto some surface or pinned by him which is the last thing she wants. If she has to rethink her escape route, so be it. She could be patient and avoid the fox in the room.

Her escape momentarily halted isn't the only thing contributing to her pouting; it's the not-so-subtle poking at her terribly laid plan. It's the mention of the other person in this loft that she's been purposefully avoiding too. Truthfully she had thought about taking a quick look through Claude's room, but that would lead to further frustration that she didn't want to grapple with.

Playing off like she isn't as flustered as she is is clearly the best course of action. Cocking her head to the side and crossing her arms across her chest gives the impression that there's probably some attitude in whatever reply she's going to give him next. But her fingers fiddling absently with the fox mask that she still has in her hand is a clear sign that she's anything but calm and collected. ]

You read, don't you? Besides, if I tried to find it in that sink hole for books, I'd get caught in it too.

Well, I can’t argue that part.

[ His voice is dry as he falls back on the familiarity of fondly ragging on the Disaster that is Claude’s room. He can do it in better cheer now that he’s not actively sharing said room with him. ]

I’m assuming you didn’t find what you were looking for?

[ The question is mild enough, but there’s something very deliberate in the way his gaze drops to fixate on the mask she’s still clutching tightly and fidgeting with. ]

[ Had she not been in a state of avoidance and annoyance the last month and a half with Claude, she would have found more humour in the ribbing of his room. Instead it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth that she has to put some mild effort into ignoring so that she can focus on Sylvain and getting out of this room.

His eyes dropping to the mask in her hands hasn't gone unnoticed unfortunately, but she isn't certain she's ready to talk about it yet. She can't even be certain what that look means. It doesn't betray anything in regards to him knowing it was her, and she'd happily go another several weeks, months even, not knowing. The shock had melted, giving way to the next layer in her tangle of feelings: the unmistakeable desire to avoid talking about their moment in the feywild. ]

Nope! [ The brightness in her voice is only slightly forced. ] No sign of it. Sooo, if you don't mind just moving out of the way for me, I'll just be on my way. Really important meeting at the Old Public Hall, you know how it is!

[ Another tentative step is taken towards Sylvain as she motions with her head to the side as if that will somehow magically move him. Hilda had learned early on what Perry's weight limits were and sadly, there is no way he can just toss Sylvain away from the door so she can make her getaway. ]

[ He watches her continue to try and skirt around him - and the topic, clearly - but no, he’s had enough of that from both of them in recent weeks. If that means he’s going to have to start being the one being blunt, then so be it.

Which is why he doesn’t move, making himself as solid a barrier in her way as the door he leans against. ]

Maybe I do mind.

[ Part of being being a spoiled princess means being perceptive enough to know when her wheedling and simpering isn't working. This is one of those moments. Usually in these types of scenarios, she'd have a choice to either continue wheedling with a slightly different spin on it, or back off and pivot in a completely different direction. Were she more irritated with Sylvain, a third option she typically didn't resort to may have reared its head, but as it stands, avoidance is still the name of the game.

Something in her pleasant expression freezes as if she can't believe that Sylvain is doing this to her. A beat later all that remains is a neutral expression and the sense that she's mildly annoyed by this turn of events. That too is quickly folded under a mask of curiosity however. ]

Is there something you wanted to talk to me about then?

[ He shoots her a slow, easy smirk, nothing else given away in his expression as he searches her face, his own eyes dark and steady. ]

Is there something you think we should be talking about right now, Hilda? Or do you intend to continue avoiding me like everything else around here lately?

[ Mild surprise ripples through her expression and pink colours her cheeks at the not so subtle call out.

Her first reaction is to protest and say that she isn't - but the words die on her lips. She is avoiding him. Had that not been the intention since she had stepped into the loft? Is that not what she had been trying to do the last several minutes? It's hard to deny that she isn't when moments ago she had wondered if Perry could all but tackle Sylvain out of the way. But the last thing she expects to hear is that everything else around him is avoiding him too. What is that supposed to mean?

She chews on the silence, guilt beginning to creep in on her peripheries. ]

You're the one that's stopping me from leaving. You tell me.

[ That wasn't the answer he was hoping for and there's a momentary flicker of disappointment in his gaze when she keeps evading him, even if its just verbally at the moment.

But it does wear thin on his remaining patience and he finally steps forward, putting himself in her personal space, curious whether she'll stand her ground or back away. ]

Fine, then. I think it's definitely time we had a talk, don't you think? Or do you just intend to avoid me forever? Is that the plan?

[ Hilda has spent enough time around Sylvain at this point to catch the flicker of disappointment on his face. She wishes she hadn't. It would make trying to ignore the rising guilt easier.

There's other things to distract from that though and it's Sylvain stepping towards her to close the space between them. Instinctively she almost takes a step back but his words draw out the little spark of annoyance that had been tangled in the ball of feelings that she hadn't identified until now.

It prompts her to stand her ground, placing a hand on her hip to frown at him. ]

There is no plan. [ There is. A poorly crafted one - but it's still a plan. ] And even if there were, it isn't that. I just don't know what you want to talk about. I apologized about the spa unless - [ She holds up the fox mask. ] you want to talk about this mask.

[ His gaze flits down to the mask and then back to her face before a corner of his lips quirks upwards. He arches an eyebrow at her, patient. ]

Sure. We can talk about the mask. [ He leans in closer to her, bending over where she stands with her hand propped on a hip, giving him attitude that just makes him want to kiss her again. ] We probably should, don't you think? Although you're the one that seems to have something on your mind in regard to it. Enlighten me.

[ Sylvain leaning into her only prompts her to lean backwards. As he does, her eyes flicker towards his lips for a split second before catching herself. Don't look at his lips, Hilda! Shortly after she rips her eyes back to his, it dawns on her that whatever intimidating air she had tried to put on is traded for a mildly comedic one instead - but she can't dwell on that either.

His chosen words certainly give off the impression that he knows something. Stubbornly she gives him a look before giving him something between a whine and a huff - ]

You're so annoying. That wasn't me saying I wanted to talk about it, that was me asking you if you wanted to talk about it.

[ Quickly she shoves the mask in his face in an attempt to claim some of her own space back. ]

Tell me why you have it.

[ He doesn't back away, quite content to stay in her space. Especially because it was getting her all riled at him. Probably not the best way to start this conversation, but he enjoyed seeing her all fired up and flushed like this way too much.

He does, however, rescue the mask from her impatient shove, lifting it up out of her grasp. ]

Why wouldn't I have it? It's mine, after all. [ And he pauses to lift it momentarily over his face as he holds her gaze, watching for her reaction. ] And I have some very fond memories from that night.

[ Infuriatingly annoying are the two words that come to mind when she looks at him. The mask does little to dampen the sheer amusement rising off of him, and she can't quite decide if she wants to punch him or kiss him in an attempt to dispel that aura. On second thought, if experience has taught her anything it's that the latter would only result in more of what's annoying her.

Her eyes widen for a split second before narrowing at the not confession as heat flares up in her cheeks again at the mention of the night. She's acutely aware that she now finds herself torn between annoyance and something else she's been resolutely trying not to name. ]

You - [ Words lodge in her throat as she quickly decides to change gears. ] Like what?

[ He lowers the mask again at the question, but only so he can lean in those last few inches between them, hovering just in front of her. His fingertips slide back along her jaw, reminiscent of his touches that night.

He gives a quiet hum, his eyes darkening a shade as they hold her gaze. ]

Was I the only one who found it so memorable, then? [ He tsks’s his tongue softly in chiding. ] No, that can’t be it. I’m quite sure I left more of an impression than that. Otherwise you wouldn’t be dancing around this quite so stubbornly. What’s wrong, Hilda? It’s a little late to claim you didn’t enjoy yourself now. I definitely remember otherwise. Quite vividly, in fact.

[ Hilda goes stock still as Sylvain's fingertips trace along her tightened jaw and it takes everything in her power not to swallow thickly at his touch.

If she lets herself dwell on it any longer, she knows that she'd admit that she had hoped it had been him that night. But even admitting that much feels like a betrayal of some kind to a friend that she didn't even consider a friend anymore. And what's more, it brings a new feeling to light that she hadn't even realized had been there until she had unearthed the annoyance from earlier: worry. ]

You knew. [ She can't bring herself to admit what he already knows but her voice shakes all the same with a myriad of emotions. ] You knew and you didn't even say anything. [ Something sharp flares up in her eyes as she places two hands on his chest to firmly move him backwards. ] Were you just never going to say anything if I hadn't found the mask or said anything myself?

I suspected.

[ He corrects her succinctly as he reaches up to wrap long fingers around each of her wrists, capturing them in a warm grip. And not letting himself be moved from where he stood, still very much in her personal space.

It hadn’t just been a suspicion. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been hoping she’d been exactly who he thought she was. ]

A suspicion you’ve now confirmed. Although I’m certainly not disappointed that my suspicions were correct, considering.

[ The noise of frustration comes out before she can stop herself. The desire to simultaneously pull away and stay right where she is tugs at her internally. Even if it was a suspicion much like the way hers had been, it does little to soothe anything that she's feeling.

Despite how her heart is hammering in her chest, her hackles are still very much up. Sylvain's added admission that he hadn't been disappointed that it was her only serves to further confuse her. There's already too much to try and untangle, never mind this new piece of information. The knot in her stomach feels unpleasantly heavy and she has to shut her eyes in an attempt to ground herself. ]

What do you mean you weren't disappointed?

[ His eyebrow arches upwards again as one corner of his lips twitches in amusement. He really shouldn’t look so amused. He suspects he’s one wrong word away from getting punched in the face. ]

Is there more than one interpretation of those words that I don’t know about? It means I wasn’t disappointed. Why? Did you think I would be? I’ve sort of given up the bad habit of doing things I know I’ll regret later. Mostly.

[ The drinking challenge with Shepard had been a notable exception. ]

[ He really shouldn't. When that's the sight she sees upon opening her eyes it only serves to flare her annoyance. ]

Of course you shouldn't have been disappointed –

[ Hilda catches herself, shutting her mouth so hard that her teeth click together. She chews on the inside of her cheek before letting out a heavy breath through her nose. ]

Not being disappointed means that you've thought about it and you shouldn't have. We shouldn't have.

[ His eyebrow stays lifted as he watches the reactions play out across her face. ]

I'm pretty sure I also haven't made a secret over the fact that I've thought about it quite a bit, in fact. Why shouldn't I have? Why shouldn't we have?

[ His questions almost prompt her to launch right into a jumbled explanation about just exactly why before she abruptly halts. Her brow furrows in confusion for a moment trying to recall a moment when that's been the case. Because as far as she can recall - Feywilds aside - that hasn't been the case.

Like he said, she's spent all this time avoiding him. There were others that could satisfy that and more for him. ]

When?

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