Golden Peacock: Overflow

[philancer]

[ because apparently we thirsty, yo ]

Comments

[massochism]

Mm... you don't consider your scandals to have been you exerting some sense of freedom? I'm sorry, I may have misunderstood.

[but that, spoken so plainly, Olivine cannot misinterpret. The words could have come straight from his own mouth in that moment and it wouldn't have been amiss. He himself hasn't put much thought into this place as a whole, but it certainly doesn't seem too inconvenient.

Not when he's not alone, anyway.]

... we're not so different, in that. In truth, it's easy to call something a choice, but when there is no alternative... [just to give him something to do, Olivine reaches for the trays, gently adjusting them on the table. It does occur to him that it's honestly... a lot of food... for just two people.] But there is always a chance at freedom... I think. No matter how unlikely or distant.

[He hopes.]

... apologies. I didn't mean to make things... heavy.

[philancer]

[ Sylvain just casts him a small understanding smile. ]

Pretty sure it was my question that started it, so that’s all on me.

[ He reaches for one of the jars of wine, opening it and giving it an experimental sniff before sliding it across the table towards Olivine. ] Care to try some? And this… is a lot of food. I hope you’re hungry.

And I suppose my scandals were a little of that. I think they were probably more a rebellion against the inevitable, if anything. My father dismissed it as me ‘sowing my wild oats’. [ A snort, as he rolls his eyes, because while he’d endured countless lectures on his decorum in private, his father was always all bluster in bragging about his heir in public. ] Maybe that made him feel better about all of it.

[massochism]

Nevertheless, this isn't something that I should be so... unable to hold.

[Olivine peers at the wine for a moment, taking a moment to follow suit in sniffing it. It smells... intriguing. Sweet and nutty, almost sharp with a hint of mint.]

It... really is a lot, isn't it? I have a decent appetite, but this might be pushing it.

[pouring a glass, Olivine offers the drink back in turn. God, it's hard to think others had to go through things like he did... his expression is as understanding as it is pained. Almost as if to cover himself, Olivine takes a drink of the nutty wine, slowing his response in the space of tasting it.

Nutty, cold. A little sweet on the tongue.]

... it seems to be how they view it. A simple dalliance, if it's inconvenient. Worthy of utmost praise, otherwise.

[His eyes turn their gaze, staring off into the distance emptily as the drink works its way through him. Before he can think through it, the words slip from his lips.].

No matter how small the misstep, it's always the end of the world, isn't it? W disgrace, but only when there is something to pick against.

[philancer]

[ Sylvain had taken the jaw back with a crooked smile and begun to pour himself a glass when Olivine continues speaking. It’s enough for his hand to falter a little, the liquid slowing before he comes back to himself and deliberately finishes filling his glass.

He takes a slow, measured sip to brace himself, enjoying the flavor of it, different to most flavors he’s used to back home. Sweet, but not too much so. ]

Let me guess, they’re pretty obsessed with ‘perfection’, too? Whoever they are? Impossible expectations you’re never gonna be able to manage to meet? Or if you get close, the bar just gets moved higher?

excuse me while I just go throw Olivine's parents into the sea tbh

[massochism]

Mm. [just thinking about it still makes him feel sick. truthfully, Olivine would rather run from it, pretend that nothing ever happened and just... move on. but maybe it feels wrong to just back out after saying so much, after they've shared a... really concerning amount, actually, after such a short time. and in half-public space.] The bar has never moved, I don't think. They... my parents simply have very strict expectations, and I was...

[maybe it's the drink, too. things he doesn't want to say, thick and bitter and hateful against the sweet, calm cool of the wine. it feels as if... maybe, if he says them aloud to someone other than himself, they'll stop tearing into him. he's already disappointed them so many times...]

"A desecration of the holy priesthood." [the words are so familiar that he no longer needs to see them to remember. to go back to that...] ... the church's doctrines are extremely strict, after all. But... I can't just stop being who I am. I never wanted to be constrained to a single temple, only able to help those closest to me.

I'm... lucky. I had friends to help me realise I didn't have to be that way. It hasn't made the memories fade, but carrying them is a little easier.

Ahhh, a fellow member of the I Have Shitty Parents club! Well met >.>

[philancer]

[ Sylvain watches those expressions play out across his face and before he even takes a sip of his own wine, he finds himself reaching across the table to rest a hand over Olivine’s wrist, his own expression one of understanding. ]

If that’s what they told you? Well, fuck them, then. No offense to you, but… No one should ever make you feel like you have to stop being who you are. And I’m glad you had friends to help you get away from that.

[ …Which is a fine piece of irony, coming from him, but Sylvain never claimed to follow his own advice. ]

customary cookies at the door and all, it's cool it's fine

[massochism]

[ah. Sylvain speaks with such conviction, and it... warms Olivine's heart, truly. he can't help but laugh a little, shaking his head.]

Please, don't worry too much about me. Their criticism is natural, and it's a test for me to pass as a temple priest myself. The reality, what the others helped me to see, was that... things like that, the things that I wanted to do for myself, were the ones worth enduring their criticism.

[back home, he can't really escape them in the end. it's just not reasonable. he does notice the similarities, as he has before. maybe there are more still, but he's doing his best not to be too nosy.]

I'm sure that you know as well as I that it's easy to speak those words than it is to follow them... but there's nothing wrong with that. One's life has no timeframe within which to find their way.

and copious amounts of alcohol

[philancer]

I tend to think that those so swift to criticize tend to be a little envious that others have the courage to do what they wouldn't dare, or to achieve what they never could. But that might just be my experience.

[ Unfortunately, he has a lot of experience with criticism. ]

But it's good you've kept such a positive outlook about it, it seems. Most people would be bitter, for having to endure that. [ Not talking about himself there, nope.

As for that conclusion... It has a shadow briefly flitting through warm amber eyes as he takes a long drag of his wine, letting the sweet nutty flavor of it fill his mouth. ] I dunno. Some people have a time frame.

Honestly though

[massochism]

[Olivine... doesn't really disagree with Sylvain's assessment, in general. Sure, it's a little bitter and sharp, but it's plainly made based on his own interpretation of the world. The priest can't say that he's seen much of the darker sides of it, and so he's always been distantly aware of how... optimistic he might seem.]

And they would have every right to be bitter about it. [He sees through that one, though he's careful not to prod too deeply at the wound.] One need not be positive to deserve the friends and acquaintances to help live beyond their hurts.

[and then... it's hard to say how to respond to those words. He isn't sure if Sylvain is talking about himself or about some loss or another, or perhaps something else entirely...]

... plainly spoken, one's lifespan is a limitation, yes... [He could be off base, but there aren't a lot of other "time frames" in one's life. Hesitantly, quietly then:] are you afraid for yourself, or regretful over someone else, sir Sylvain...?

[almost immediately, he regrets it. They've only just met, and here he is talking like the man is one of their faithful, like he has any reason to not just get angry at the audacity of asking such a thing. Well, he can't take it back anyway.]

[philancer]

[ Sylvain just gives him a faint smile, however, not taking any offense. In fact, if anything, he looks apologetic for having turned the conversation darker, since that hadn’t been his intent to start out. ]

My country back home has been torn apart by a terrible war for the past five years or so. There’s rarely a day that’s gone by, of late, that I haven’t wondered if I’d see the next dawn. Or which of my companions might not.

[ And the battle that had been looming today was one he’d been dreading above all. He doesn’t know whether to be pathetically grateful for this timely kidnapping, or start grieving for all he knows he’s likely lost by now. ]

[massochism]

[a war... despite all the troubles they've dealt with since Olivine met the other clan members and Eiden, he can still barely imagine it. they were things he heard whispers of, always in just the furthest whispers, usually in the capitol. to live that life, even for five years—to fear endlessly for one's companions and their own life...

it's darker, certainly, but it only makes his hand draw up, resting over his own heart in the sensation of empathy there.]

... I'm sorry. I can hardly fathom what that must have been like, how terrifying... [a little bit, sure. particularly after his most recent bout of utter stupidity, the knowledge that he's only still here because of the others... but to protract that for five years, even under the best circumstances...] I can... imagine you must be struggling with how to feel, being here. A reprieve, but with no knowledge of what to expect when you get back...

[that's been on his mind too, after all. particularly with Eiden here, when the others need him, and yet there's such a traitorous relief, a selfishness in having that break, isn't there?]

[philancer]

Yeah. [ His tone is rueful as he rubs at the back of his neck, then takes another deep swallow of wine. ]

It feels pretty wrong, to be grateful to be here, on so many levels. I still haven’t decided if I feel relieved or guilty. Or maybe guilty I’m relieved? That probably fits, too.

[ Faerghans do guilt a little too well, after all. ]

[massochism]

I think... it's normal to be confused by it. And to feel relief. When you spend so long fighting for every step, how can you not?

[Olivine sips his drink again, slowly to account for how infrequently he imbibes, and his brows furrow in an almost sheepish smile.]

But I think guilt is a little too much to bear. You didn't ask to come here. You didn't abandon your friends, or forget their struggles.

For now, all we can do is breathe. Until we can find a way back, it's better to recuperate than keep running yourself down. If your friends and comrades are anything like mine, I'm sure they would be relieved to find you safe.

At least... that's what I think.

[philancer]

Is that your priestly advice?

[ As far as his typical defensive reflex of teasing goes, this one is gentle and fond, lips curving up into a smile as he pushes away what he can of his darker worries. This really isn't the time or place for them, and sitting here brooding over things he can't change isn't going to do anyone any good. ]

I'm still trying to convince myself of all that, honestly, with varying levels of success, but thank you for the reminder, all the same.

[ Something in that statement makes him thinking of something else, however, and he glances across to study Olivine curiously once more. ] Have you found any of your friends here yet?

[massochism]

It could be. But I'd be happier to consider it the advice of a friend... if you wouldn't mind.

[He's so quick to fall into the banter, happy to let their respective darker thoughts fade into the background. The words are so painfully earnest, too, despite the fact that this is their first meeting. His struggles are reasonable and honestly, fairly mild in the scheme of them.]

I am happy to repeat it so long as it may help.

[hand on heart, Olivine closes his eyes for a moment, only to open them again at the question. oh... there's a soft tinge that rises to his cheeks then. Olivine is not hard to read.]

Ah, yes... just one, so far. His name is Eiden, and he's... a-ah. I'm rather... selfishly glad he's here. I wouldn't be the same person without him.

[warm and shy, Olivine is almost vibrant whenever talking about Eiden.]

[philancer]

[ The offer takes him by surprise, even though it probably shouldn’t. Then again, he’s not very accustomed to offers of friendship, just for the sake of friendship. Not that he brings that up, just lets that smile warm a little further. ]

I don’t mind at all, in fact.

[ That smile turns into a grin at the sight of that blush as he leans forward in interest. Even more so when he realizes he knows that name. ]

Ahh, I think I met him earlier today. [ In a closet. It was a very interesting seven minutes. ]

[massochism]

Thank you. I'm glad to make a friend in you, Sylvain.

[If he had a tail, it would be wagging about now. There's a pleasant buzz there in the back of his mind, a distant reminder that he's been drinking at all, but it isn't even that noticeable.]

Ah! Then you know. [Olivine laughs, and though he doesn't know the circumstances, he knows Eiden. Sylvain's lack of irritation informs much of the remaining questions, the ones that matter.] he's just so... free to be himself. Completely, unabashedly himself. I trust he took good care of you, too.

[He doesn't actually put any implication in there, because... well, he doesn't need to. Eiden taking care of people is as second nature as his absolutely filthy mind, as far as Olivine is concerned.]

[philancer]

[ That summary gets a laugh from him as he takes another sip of his wine. ]

I suppose I do. We, uh, got locked in a closet for a bit until we worked out how to get out.

[ He'd been a little worried that admitting that might spawn some jealousy, but from Olivine's reaction to Eiden in general, maybe that wasn't the case at all. Or maybe people just did relationships differently where they came from? He was already finding out there was a vast difference in what he'd always taken for granted and what was considered normal for many people here. ]

[massochism]

Locked in a closet?? How did that even work?

[no, he certainly doesn't seem jealous in the least; if he asked, Sylvain can probably guess Olivine would be happy to explain; the clan members' relationship with Eiden is already pretty unusual. Now though...

... well now he's thinking about getting stuck in a closet with someone, the varied things they could be made to do to—]

Ah... but I'm also glad you made it out without too much trouble, it sounds like. I'm a little envious of the first meeting, if I'm honest. [what were you even imagining, Olivine? This little admission does get him to pause though. He hadn't meant to say it aloud, and his eyes drift down to the drink. Had he had too much already??? He doesn't feel tipsy...]

[philancer]

[ He blinks for a moment, trying to make sense of that statement. ]

You wish you got stuck in a closet? [ He sounds more bemused by that than anything else. ] Well, there’s still plenty of those around, it’s not too late. Although the dressing rooms in the store were a little roomier. And, ah, very easy access.

But yeah we made out without too much trouble. [ Yeah, he totally meant that slip of the tongue. ] Eiden was telling me they were having us play something called seven minutes in heaven? It was not something I’d heard of before, but not quite so different from some of the games we’d played back home when we were younger.

[massochism]

Ah- no, I— [excuse him, he's just going to seep through the floor now. despite how he rubs his cheek, it doesn't stem the flush of red that rises out of it. the deeper gulp of his wine he takes after is neither a good choice nor helpful in hiding his embarrassment.] That isn't what I meant... I'm not sure what made me say it like that. I just meant it would have been a little more... exciting than meeting me normally like this.

[he's also not sure he'd like to clarify it as "it would have been nice meeting you somewhere a little less... polite," either. it would be a little better if it didn't sound like he's putting himself down a little, especially since he's really not. it's just that meeting over lunch is so mundane. (never mind that he met Eiden literally when he was running errands for the church.)]

Seven minutes in heaven... I'm not surprised he recognised it, somehow. Eiden seems to be so versed in things like that. [there's a pause, a very sudden realisation that he should probably explain—] Ah. Eiden isn't from my world, either. I'm sure if we were from the same one, I would be more sure of what he called it.

[he giggles a little then, head shaking. But it does... sound like something similar to a "game" I've heard some of the older children whisper about, too. Maybe a little childish... but it could be fun. I can imagine it didn't stop there for some people, too.

[boy, can he imagine.]

I've only been in the dressing rooms briefly, at that. A leash decided to attach itself to me and pull me in there, so I... didn't really have that much thought toward looking around. [he was too busy soothing Basch's embarrassment. he does not say this. it's the strictest confidence, okay.]

[philancer]

[ Oh no. That blush is basically the most adorable thing he's seen the other man do in the short time he's known him. Also such dangerous knowledge to give someone like Sylvain, who counts 'flustering people' as one of his favorite hobbies.

He reaches across the table, laying his hand over the one that's not desperately clutching his wine glass, and gives it a small squeeze while winking at the man. ]

I don't know. I think this was a good way to meet. And there's no reason things couldn't always turn more "exciting" after we have our meal, if that's what you'd like. There are still plenty of collars and leashes and other inventive toys back there to be explored yet.

[ Oddly enough, Basch had been dragged to him in roughly the same manner, so he can understand. ]

[massochism]

[hey??? Hey?????? He's not supposed to be this much like Eiden, that's not fair—

Olivine's fluster tends to ease faster than most, and well... he's not so ashamed of just how much he wants to try anymore. It doesn't ease the blush any, but there's a notable shift in it, at least. Sylvain never implied he wasn't interested, nor that there was any reason he shouldn't offer, but the warmth of his hand and the wink capture Olivine as well as any collar and leash ever could.]

... I didn't mean that it wasn't... I'm glad we got to talk this way.

[His voice is a little softer, still as warm but with an undercurrent of interest. Olivine likes forthright and earnest people, and the redhead giving such delicious options so freely is—ah. He was doomed from the start, wasn't he. Olivine is quiet for a moment, considering his words carefully. What he wants to say (everything, let's try everything) and what he ought to say aren't ultimately so different, but he's a sucker for being clear himself. Mostly.]

... I would like that. I wouldn't know what to pick, but maybe we can find something a little more... exotic to try? Or something you've wanted to try.

[His gaze flicks away, to the warmth of their hands together on the table. Olivine has about a million shy instincts, but he does seem to lack shame. Funny, considering how this conversation started.]

Mm... after we eat, of course. And you're very kind to offer... so thank you.

[will this be the fastest he's ever eaten? No, probably not, but it sure isn't going to make him slow down about it. Rest assured that he'll also be spending basically the whole meal imagining what Sylvain will do with his newfound knowledge and power.]

[philancer]

[ He chuckles, because that blush doesn't fade, even if Olivine didn't fluster as much as one would expect when sporting that particular shade. Then again, Sylvain's already figuring out he's a different kind of shy than the usual. Which just makes him all the more interesting, really.

His fingers brush against the back of Olivine's hand for a moment before he withdraws it, turning his attention to serving them both from the platter of food they'd ordered. Especially now that they had dessert to look forward to, as it were. ]

I'm not sure 'kind' is the right word here, but you're welcome all the same. And we can find anything as exotic as you like. I happen to enjoy trying new things, and trust me, there's very little you could say or ask for that would shock me.

[massochism]

[warmth lingers on the back of Olivine's hand when Sylvain pulls back, and he can't help but laugh at the comment.]

It's kind to me. Just because you'll also get something out of it doesn't change that... I don't know what will really catch my eye until I look again, though. Even some of the things I've done before might feel different without the piercings.

[That's certainly a statement to not elaborate on. Really though, how strange. It really is starting to feel like he's changed a little... like pursuing something enjoyable for himself isn't so bad. The camaraderie isn't hurting matters any, for sure, alongside the assumption of Eiden's truth and interest. A soft hum even rises on his lips as he starts to eat, content to let his mind wander a little whenever they're not actively talking.]